Oh, you've heard of them, those five love languages. Kinda like a personality test for your bent on love. The book by
Gary Chapman has been around for many years and just like those personality tests it's fun to see who you are. Ofcourse, I tend to be quite uncomplicated, I didn't even need to read the description to bead in on mine and Randy's love languages.
Acts of Service.
Who me? Am I really that simple? Really?
Um, yes.
A little work on the house, some errands run for me, watching the kids so I can grocery shop in peace, even straightening up a room is apparently all I need to feel content and loved.
Randy? Physical touch, with quality time taking a close second. When we were dating, I remember he always wanted to hold my hand (fingers intertwined) or have me sit right next to him in his little Ford Ranger. In fact, I would shift gears so he could keep his arm around me while we drove! Now if that doesn't shout physical touch, I not sure what does. We always were together, going to the movies, playing card games with my family or cuddling on the couch, that was our qt.
So how does this help in real life?
Let me give you an example.....
Right now we are approaching a very busy time for Randy.....hunting season is getting under way. Stick with me here, "early season" isn't even until the end of September, but for my "
type A" man, preparations start
way before that. Plowing fields, planting crops, setting up game cameras, deciding on stand placement, etc all need to be worked out before the season opens. This can be a super stressful time for both of us, but, understanding eachothers love languages can come in handy.
Randy knows that I am most happy when he helps me out around the house (mostly maintenance and some remodeling) or at least supports the work I would like to do. Remember, I'm an acts of service girl, I like getting projects going, seeing things fulfilled. Now, he can either ignore those needs and convince himself he's worked hard all year for this time and deserves every moment of enjoyment while I take care of things around the house
or he can plan ahead, discuss what we are trying to accomplish and devise a plan of action
while scheduling his time for all the hunting his heart can handle.
That was a serious run-on sentence, I know.
Okay, turn the tables. I know Randy looks forward to the quality time he puts in at the farm and in the stands hunting. These few weeks are what he anticipates and works for all year. I also know he misses the kids and I the
entire time he is gone and always looks forward to getting back home and being with us, loving lots of hugs and kisses on his return. Now, if we have worked out a plan to make sure I don't feel overwhelmed while he is gone (leaving me at {mostly}peace), then I will have a greater desire to reciprocate my love when he comes home. Instead of feeling resentful, I will embrace him for thinking of me and loving me, even when he is away. Rather than give him the cold shoulder, I can feel content being close to him after he gets home. His love language asks that I shower him with affection and naturally he will return that to me by making sure my to-do list get done.
Ofcourse, these
aren't pre-conditions. Life happens and perfectly made plans can unravel. If he doesn't meet all of my needs or I don't meet his,
we can't withhold love. Marriage is about
commitment and striving to give more than you take. You can't make demands of your spouse simply because your love language "
entitles" you to it. That would be just plain silly.
But, if you work at understanding one another and how you "operate", it can ease tension, lessen bitterness, and build a stronger bond between you and your spouse.
