Before we left for Wisconsin, I came across a parenting book that intrigued me, Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. I was so happy to find our library had a copy and was able to take it with me so I had some reading material on vacation.
Wow.
Can I just say this is the
most compelling parenting book I
ever read.
Ever.
It's one those books you just dive right into and any person that crosses your path while you are reading it will probably be read a paragraph or two. They do look at you like you've lost it, but inside you know you've finally found it!
It's not a book that contains precise formulas and methods for raising your kids. It doesn't give you a check list of do's and don'ts. It doesn't instantly transform you into the world's best parent. What it does do is open your eyes to God's infinite love for each of us, for His amazing grace that He continually pours out on us and His everlasting mercy that not one of us deserves.
And yet, it is there for you and for me, totally free of charge. And, it is there for us to shower upon our children so they too can know Him. Dr. Kimmel reasons that Christianity in our culture today is so often simply a checklist of being good or bad (I imagined santa's naughty or nice list) that kids grow up and don't have any real or meaningful relationship with their Maker. They only know, "If I do this, it's bad. If I do this, it's good."
He begins the book describing many styles of parenting and points out that most are fear-based. That one hit me lie a brick as I know a lot of my parenting tends to lean that direction. He also listed three driving inner needs that children are born with:
- A need for security
- A need for significance
- A need for strength
These three needs are in turn met by love, purpose and hope.
"If we've done our job adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong." (p.25)
Here are a few of my other favorite passages:
"The proof that any model of parenting is effective is not how the parents and children get along. It isn't even how well they treat and respect each other after they are all grown up. Even nonreligious families can accomplish this. The real test of a parenting model is how well equipped the children are to move into adulthood as vital members of the human race. Notice I didn't say "as vital members of the Christian community." We need to have kids that can be sent off to the most hostile universities, toil in the greediest work environments, and raise their families in the most hedonistic communities and yet not be the least bit intimidated by their surroundings. Furthermore, they need to be engaged in the lives of people in their culture, gracefully representing Christ's love inside these desperate surroundings." (P.9)
"You may not want to hear this, but raising safe Christian kids is a spiritual disaster in the making. Your effort will produce shallow faith and wimpy believers. Kids raised in an environment that stresses safety are on track to be evangelical pushovers. They will tend to end up either overly critical of the world system to the point where they won't want anything to do with people in the world system-an idea that comes directly from Satan's playbook. Or, they will become naive about the world system, which ultimately makes them putty in Satan's hands. He chews up these kinds of people like they are spiritual McNuggets and swallows them whole. When they're finally confronted with the full thrust of the world system as young adults, few know how to turn it into an opportunity for spiritual impact. (p.113)
"Raising children in evangelical hideaways and creating a spiritual Disneyland works directly against the development of an empowered relationship with Christ. If anything, safe Christianity isn't about a relationship with Jesus Christ; it's about a relationship with a Western, middle-class caricature of Jesus Christ. It's an option that the majority of Christian parents around the world (especially the Third World) wouldn't consider for their children because it isn't even a remote possibility. Raising safe Christian kids is as much a product of middle to upper-class wealth as it is anything else. Putting it bluntly, the reason parents choose to raise their children in highly protected spiritual enclaves is because they can afford to." (p.117)
And I could go on and on.
Buy the book, whether you have children or not, you will be amazed and what you get out of it. Check out Dr. Kimmel's website
here.
